On November 19, 2011 I cut myself for the first time. I started for many reasons. Extreme self hatred, not being perfect, my shitty home life, not being able to help my sister after she got diagnosed with MS, getting cheated on, feeling numb, and so many other things. The feeling was so intoxicating that I began doing it as much as I could, scarring my upper thighs. I stopped off and on in order to keep friends and my boyfriend from leaving me. I didn’t keep those promises for long and began again, this time more intensely. My boyfriend couldn’t even touch me without feeling sick from the sight of my cuts. I knew I had to stop before it got too far.
I’ve been clean since September 23, 2012, making me five months clean tomorrow. The thing that has helped me the most is the butterfly tattoo I got in honor of a dead loved one. He was a man that was greatly respected and was my personal mentor and good friend. It reads “Stay Strong and Pass it On”. Stay Strong is obviously to remind me to keep going during the hard times. Pass it On is to always pass on his memory and all that he has taught me. The butterfly is for the butterfly project. A monarch butterfly was the symbol for his life after death. Orange for the color of self-harm awareness.
Everyday is a struggle when you have an addiction like self-harm. I am ALWAYS here for anyone who needs to talk. I haven’t been on Tumblr for a long time but I’m back now. I miss this community and I miss the friendship that are made through here.
I love you all. Stay Strong, lovelies <3